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  • Writer's pictureDavid Redding

WORM BackBlast: FishHooks and the QDog

Don't mess with The Worm

The Worm is one of those F3 Workouts that has a strong core of fiercely loyal PAX who do NOT cotton up much to non-Wormites messing with their roll. Witness AmericasCholo trying to get The Worm to move both time (0600 to 0630) and AO (AG to RockSalt) last spring (during lockdown) and getting absolutely torched by Tormund, The Worm’s SiteQ.

Tormund not only laid down an epic multi-social-media pistol-whipping on Cholo, he stationed himself at the top of the Muthaship the very next morning on the off-chance that Cholo would Post to P2W (he did) and P2W would go to the Mutha (it did) so that Tormund could flash full MansonLamps at Cholo when we got to the top of that beast—and he did.

To this day Cholo shivers a little at any mention of Game of Thrones, anything involving bait or Florence, SC.

Worm-norms must be observed to the letter

So, it was with (well advised) trepidation that YHC accepted Tormund’s invitation to Q The Worm this AM. I knew that if I violated any Worm-norms I was likely to get swarmed by the Wormites like a lost and lone ocelot who mistakenly wanders into a pack of fully-grown howler monkeys during mating season and get throat-punched by Tormund.

So I was careful (I thought).

MicroSlice remains fixated on the LuvGuv

I started out with Warmarama with about 24 PAX (two BatFlippers) and then chugged to the top of the Apocalypto. Then I charged down that thing about as fast as I could, despite the fact that it is a twisty trail that runs right through the Heart Of Darkness that is 0615 Metro in early March.

Of course, MicroSlice got on YHC’s shoulder to (again) extol the virtues of Andrew Cuomo and whine bitterly about how bad a deal the LuvGuv is getting from (well) everyone:

“After all he’s done for my people Dredd. It’s a disgrace”.

Of course, YHC was in O2-Dep and couldn’t really respond. Also, I was trying to concentrate so I didn’t twist a cankle running through the dark on uneven terrain. But that dang MicroSlice kept it up until (finally) The Nation’s Ginger-King and Onion Eater (TophamHat) pushed back (uncharacteristically) with:

“Dammit Slice, I was neutral on Cuomo until I saw him FishHook that chick.”

. . . “what?” MicroSlice said, bewildered.

“That chick at the wedding. Your damn LuvGuv FishHooked her.” Topham said.

“No, no way. My people are passionate Topham, but that’s going too far. I don’t believe it.” MicroSlice replied.

At which point about seven PAX yelled (in unplanned unison): “THERE’S A PICTURE YOU IDIOT.”

And there is (of course).

When the Q smokes his dang-self, nothing good happens

Ultimately, we made our way to the QDog. Now the QDog used to be a staple of several Metro Workouts, but has (for unknown reasons) fallen into disuse—like a ride at Carowinds that nobody cares much about anymore.

Somehow YHC got it in his head last night that it might be (uhhh) interesting to revive the QDog, even though I suspected that it might not be Worm-approved and get Tormund fired up.

So I was careful (I thought).

I called an old-school JacobsLadder on that QDog. Now that thing is about 250 meters long with the last 75 at a 12% grade, so a full JL on that sucker is a little aggressive. But I thought, what the heck The Worm is a double-black-diamond Workout. These guys can take it. And they did.

But I couldn’t. YHC smoked himself on that QDog-JL. After I dragged down back to the bottom after the seventh trip up I called a quick Mary to get my O2 back, looked at my Garmin and realized that I only had 13 minutes to get back over Selwyn-ridge to the StartEx. Doable on fresh legs but I had nothing in the tank.

Not surprisingly, we didn’t get to COT until 0703, with Tormund Manson-Lamping me for being late and the BatFlippers mocking YHC for fading to the back(ish) of the PAX. But at least I didn't get monkey-swarmed or throat punched, and I did realize (again) what I've known for a long time:

No man is a prophet in his own backyard, no matter how careful he is.


1 Comment

Daniel Quaranta
Daniel Quaranta
Mar 07, 2021

This is masterful storytelling... bravo!

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