GUILTY, WITH AN EXPLANATION

During my short-lived career as a criminal defense lawyer, I often appeared in district court where misdemeanors are adjudicated. A misdemeanor is a minor offense, far less serious than a felony. The word is the combination of mis (bad) and demeanor (behavior towards others). So, it literally means “bad behavior toward others.”

At the beginning of court, the presiding assistant district attorney would call the names of the misdemeanor defendants on the docket for the day, asking each one what they intended to plead—guilty or not guilty. Some would say guilty. A few would say not guilty. But most would say “guilty with an explanation,” which was not one of the choices the DA provided.

It was also unnecessary because a defendant who pleads guilty to a misdemeanor may always offer matters in mitigation towards his sentence. In other words, he can explain himself to the judge in the hopes of getting mercy—mercy being not receiving the punishment one deserves for the crime he committed. He need not plead guilty with an explanation to secure that right. He can just plead guilty.

Over time I began to recognize the defendants pleading guilty with an explanation as regular customers of district court. One day they would plead guilty to stealing a steak from the grocery store. A month later, it would be trespass on private property. While the charge varied, the explanation usually sounded about the same. A set of circumstances outside of the defendant’s control conspired to provide him with a choice to do right or wrong, and unfortunately, he chose to do wrong—which he regretted. Often, they would apologize to the judge, as if it had been his steak they stole or his backyard in which they had urinated. As if he were the “other” to whom the defendant’s bad behavior had been directed. As if they were seeking his forgiveness.

I would listen to the explanations of those guilty people and say to myself “wow, I’m really glad that I’m not one of them.” How pathetic, I thought, to be repeating the same dumb mistakes and offering the same lame explanation every time. And what was the point of apologizing to the judge? What does he care?

At the time I thought quite highly of myself. I would never steal anything or trespass. I was my own master, guilty of nothing with no obligation to explain myself to anyone or ask forgiveness of any man.

Ten years later I was on a run in the pre-dawn when my bowels made an immediate demand for attention. I was about a mile from home and knew I could not make it back. I could not do my business in the street, so I ducked into the nearest backyard and squatted behind a hedge. I did my best to bury the result but there was only so much I could do.

The next morning, I ran by the same house and suddenly realized that I had committed a misdemeanor by trespassing on my neighbor’s property. I felt badly about it, but the circumstances were outside of my control. I did have a choice (I could have ruined a good pair of running shorts) but I chose otherwise—and I regretted it. I was guilty, but I had an explanation that I wanted to deliver to someone from whom I could seek forgiveness. But I was not about to knock on my neighbor’s door and tell him about it. So, I just bore the guilt.

I added that guilt to the stack of unforgiven misdemeanors that had been accruing in my heart for the forty years I had been alive. Although each one was small, the cumulative weight was a heavy burden to haul around. One day, exhausted from the effort, I handed it all over to God who had promised through His son to forgive me if I confessed.

And being faithful and just, He did, for all who confess their guilt are eligible for mercy because Christ has already received the punishment we are due.

We are all guilty with an explanation, but only those who will make that plea to the ultimate judge will be freed from the result.